Adoption · Linkup

Best Advice I’ve Ever Gotten

Today is Erin Bohn’s monthly Adoption Talk Linkup.

If you have something to say about adoption or need some support, click on the link above or the badge in my sidebar. This is a link up for all members of the adoption triad.

There are two possible topics for this week:

  • Why did you choose adoption?
  • What’s the best advice you’ve ever gotten?

I’m choosing the latter topic for today and will blog about the first topic next week.

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The best advice I’ve ever gotten was from my cousin, Karen. After giving birth to my biological son, Eli, she told me: 

“No matter what other people think, listen to what your intuition. They may have the best intentions but you’re his mom and you know what’s best.”

And she was right.

As much as I tried to rationalize what my intuition was telling me, I knew there was something going on with Payton, my older adopted daughter.

Payton moved in with us just before she turned three. We expected acting out as she adjusted to her new living situation; however, we were surprised by the frequency, intensity, and duration.

But the real clue there was something off had to do with her lack of affection. She was only expressive when:

  • She was competing with her younger sister. For example, she didn’t initiate affection with my husband or me unless Paige gave us a hug or wanted to be held.
  • She was seeking attention in public. For example, when she gave us a hug in front of others, she would do so loudly and watch others’ reactions.

But to the outside world, she seemed like a well-adjusted child.

When I tried to speak with other parents about our these things, they would say things like:

  • That sounds normal.
  • All kids have temper tantrums.
  • You expect too much from her.
  • Mine do that, too.

Finally, we got to the end of our rope and sought therapy.

And the therapist validated what my intuition had been telling me for over a year.

“It sounds like attachment issues,” she told us.

Because I listened to my intuition saying Payton’s behaviors weren’t typical, we found an excellent therapist who has helped our family immensely.

I don’t think Payton would be doing so well if I hadn’t followed my intuition.

I don’t think I would be doing so well.

So this is my piece of advice to all parents: Listen to your intuition. 

 

6 thoughts on “Best Advice I’ve Ever Gotten

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