Linkup · Musings and Personal · Writing Prompts

Why Am I Here? A Pervasive Emptiness (Five Minute Friday)

It’s Friday – yay!!

That also means it’s time for the Five Minute Friday linkup with Kate Motaung.

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Today’s linkup topic is HERE.

I often wonder why I am here, why WE ALL are here.

I struggle with feeling empty inside, as though my life is nothing more than a calendar of days that I am marking off until my life is over. Regardless of how I attempt to fill myself up, I still find myself lacking something. This is something I’ve struggled with my whole life.

I thought once I got here, at this point in my life, nearly 40 years old, that I would have figured out why I am here and the emptiness would go away, or at least be partially filled.

Aside from times when I’ve done something external, such as finishing college, having children, writing my book, etc., the emptiness persists. And they say you cannot rely on anyone else or external factors to fill your needs, so… You can see how it’s a catch-22.

I honestly thought when I was here, I would be using my college degree or getting a Master’s to expand upon my Bachelor’s. Or something bigger than what I am doing here, which feels like merely existing.

But then I remember Proverbs 16:9 In his heart man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

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The first time I heard this passage was when a friend gave me a magnet with this Bible passage painted on it as a graduation gift from college.

Over the years I’ve thought about that. How my here is different than God’s here, but we are both working towards the same here. I believe God’s purpose for me is to make a difference. I haven’t done that by being a psychologist, which is what I initially thought I’d do with my Psychology degree, but I have done it by being a stay-at-home mom.

The epitome of God’s work in my life, in the place I had my ideas and plans and he supported them but chose the direction I would go, is when I adopted my daughters. My husband and I were planning to adopt an older child but then God introduced Ruth into my life and through a truly bittersweet story, I became a mother to a baby and a 3-year-old.

I need to trust that God has a plan for me here and now, and it is great. I have to accept the emptiness I struggle with and remember I am here for a reason, and God brought me here.

9 thoughts on “Why Am I Here? A Pervasive Emptiness (Five Minute Friday)

  1. Honestly I have struggled with this sad empty feeling a lot this year. Thank you for sharing your heart. Stopping to pray for a breakthrough for you in this area.

    Kimmie
    Mama to 8
    One homemade and 7 adopted

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m nearing 50, and I still struggle with my purpose here on this earth. I am thankful for a God who continues to surprise me around every corner. Visiting form the FMF!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, I feel for you. I struggle with many of the same emotions. I’ve recently discovered the Divine presence and, since having learnt to ‘let go’ and ‘leave it all to Him’, things have flowed so much easier, so much more smoothly and REMARKABLY…He knows the plans He has for us….we sometimes just need to get over ourselves and get out of the way to let Him get on with his plans for us….{An FMF friend}

    Liked by 1 person

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