Writing

Born in My Heart: A Bittersweet Adoption Blessing

When I decided to be the birth coach for a meth addict, little did I know it would result in two daughters….

BornInMyHeart meme

The following is the synopsis of my memoir, Born in My Heart:  A Bittersweet Adoption Blessing.  

Nine years ago I was asked to be the birth coach for Ruth,* a meth addict I didn’t know. Her husband was in prison and her daughter, Payton, was in CPS custody. Ruth was an addict and she had no one for support.

I chose to help out and witnessed the birth of a baby girl, Paige. I cut her umbilical cord, held her… and fell in love.

Ruth had nowhere to recover from her C-section so my husband and I took her in for five days. I learned about the person under the addiction and came to understand what it truly meant to “hate the sin, not the sinner.”

Paige was placed in foster care because of severe drug withdrawal. Ruth decided to place her for adoption and gave us her blessing to adopt Paige.

I attended all the court hearings and witnessed first-hand the conflicting emotions a birth mother feels when she selflessly does what is in her child’s best interest.

A year later Payton reunified with Ruth but was removed again six months later, this time permanently. We took Payton into our home just before she turned three, and adopted her a year later.

This is the story of my girls’ adoption with their unique needs, my unusual relationship with Ruth, and the good, the bad and the ugly of it all from my uncensored point of view.

I believe people need to be educated about the dire need for foster and foster-adopt homes.  I believe people need to learn about addiction and how it affects both the addict and the people in the addict’s life.  That is why I am taking steps to publish my story the traditional route.

* Names have been changed to protect privacy.

 

9 thoughts on “Born in My Heart: A Bittersweet Adoption Blessing

  1. One More With Us here 🙂 I would like to support you, as I believe in what you said. Foster Care is great, but the system is not so great. We attempt plan A, but we need to have that plan B ready. A “temporary” mom can only control that for so long. At some point, the child needs permanency, and if the birth (biological? sorry. I haven’t read your post on that yet) parent hasn’t been able to turn around, adoption is the best option.
    It is safe to say that Foster Care and adoption are stories with a trail of hurt and sadness behind them.
    Becoming the mother of another mother’s child is a subject to be taken carefully, and we need to educate people more and more.
    Gloria R

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Personally, I believe foster care is plan b. We need to do more to support plan A, which is children with their natural mother. However, I agree that after there are so many things against a natural mom, (financial instability, mental illness, drug addiction, etc.) that at a certain point kids need a better chance. The foster care system is broken in a lot of ways. Like, expecting a woman to care for & love another women’s child for a time while the original mom can correct destructive circumstances is limited. The temporary mom loses her ability to support reunification as time goes on. Caseworkers need mediation training to fairly advocate for both the original mom, & the temporary home. Some case workers fail miserably, and one side is favored. Not ever person should be a foster parent. There is so much emotion evolved, & politics at times.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I was very fortunate in my foster-adopt experience. The two county Social Workers were both incredible, in fact they were more useful and on top of things than the nonprofit agency we went through! The girls’ biological parents even liked and respected them. The original SW was in Family Reunification and did strongly support reunification; however, when the bio parents fell back into harmful habits, she obviously couldn’t do that anymore. At both Team Decision Meetings there was a parent advocate, who worked as a mediator. I know our experience was not typical but it does give me hope there are people who have a positive experience as well.

      Like

  3. I’d love to read your thoughts on biological vs birth mom. I’m a new adoptive mom and only have contact with biological/birth mom through snail mail. (there’s one waiting at DCFS for me right now, I can’t wait to go get it) I have no idea what her preference is, she simply signs her name at the end of letters. Love getting to know your story.
    Good luck with your book. I shared today’s FB post on 2 adoption groups I’m in.

    Liked by 1 person

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